8th Grade Bites
by Hinata888
Summary: " Vampires? Vampires aren't real. Nope. Not on bit. I would know. I mean, I wouldn't know. They aren't real, okay? Stop staring at me!" Vladimir Tod Parody Rated T for safety.
1. Where's the Boy and Halloween

_Okay, so me and my friends had an idea a while back, since we didn't see any sign of a movie for Vladimir Tod, that we would make our own. I'm creating the script and I wanted to see how it sounds. By the way, it's a parody of the book so it's meant to be stupid and random. I play Vladimir Tod (which means I have to cut my hair and dye it black) and it's going to be really fun. When it's complete, we're going to put it up on youtube so then I'll put the link up, but right now, we need some feed back on how it sounds so far. Just let me know, because it's really hard to write this all by myself so I don't know if it sounds good. Let me know, please. :D_

_This chapter has the first two scenes along with the cast._

_DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING. THE ORIGINAL CREATOR OF VLADIMIR TOD IS HEATHER BREWER. WE ARE NOT MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS. THIS IS JUST MEANT FOR FUN. WE MEAN NO HARM._

_**The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod-8th Grade Bites ~Parody~**_

_**Created by Grace Cook**_

_**Original book by Heather Brewer**_

_**Cast:**_

_**Vladimir Tod: Grace Cook**_

_**Henry: Angela Sanchez**_

_**Otis: Alex Alcala**_

_**Aunt Nelly: Jessica Earls**_

_**D'Ablo: Gina Cook**_

_**Meredith: Jessica Earls**_

_**Eddie: Jasmine Earls**_

_**John Craig: Angela Sanchez**_

_**Kate Donahue: Grace Cook**_

_**Bill: Jasmine Miller**_

_**Tom: (he died)**_

**(Scene 1: Where's the boy?)**

(John Craig runs through forest while evil chasing music plays)

(D'Ablo follows closely behind)

(John falls and looks over at D'Ablo)

John: (yells) What do you want from me?!

(D'Ablo pulls out a picture of a little girl)

D'Ablo: Do you know this boy?

John: Um....That's not a-

D'Ablo:Do you?!

(John yelps and faints)

D'Ablo: Well, this was pointless.

(He kicks John then walks away)

_**(Scene 2: Halloween)**_

(Vlad is talking to the camera as a video blog for him)

Vlad: Hello, everyone. My name is Vladimir Tod and today is Halloween. The day that I die. Now, before I kill myself with this butter knife (holds up butter knife), notice that it's a very sharp butter knife, I'd like to say a few words. Aunt Nelly, I love you, but.....You're a bit mad. Literally. I mean, seriously! Just the other day I saw you-

Aunt Nelly: (off screen) Vlad! Did you take the butter knife from the kitchen again?

Vlad: (annoyed) Not now, I'm busy!

Nelly: But I need to butter some blood onto your toast!!

Vlad: I hate toast! Why do you always have to ruin my life?!

Nelly: (happy) I love you too, sweetie. Oh, and by the way, Henry's here.

Vlad: Okay, thanks Nelly.....

(Scene changes to Henry and Vlad hanging in his room)

Henry: So, what are you supposed to be for Halloween, an emo kid?

Vlad: (offended) No! I'm a vampire!

Henry: What's the difference?

Vlad: Oh yeah.....(notices what Henry said) Wait, hey! You little-

~Intermission~

Vlad: So, what are you supposed to be, a human?

Henry: That wasn't even funny.

(Vlad talking on his vlog like one of those reality television shows)

Vlad: Why are people so mean to me?! I hate my life!!

(Henry in vlog)

Henry: (with gay hand motions) Vlad is such a baby! Oh my god! He just never shuts up! He's not even funny either.

(back to scene)

Vlad: So, are we going to go to the party or not?

Henry: What party?

Vlad: You know....The halloween party....That they have every year.

Henry: (realization) Oh....That party...Hee-hee....Well, they kinda....canceled it.....

Vlad: (stands up and is outraged) What?! Why?!

Henry: They knew you were going to be there, so they canceled it. I'm sorry to say this to you, but no one likes you, Vlad.

Vlad: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (screen zooms in on his face as he screams no in slow motion)

Henry: Oh, did you hear about Mr. Craig?

Vlad: (sits back down) No, what happened?

Henry: (serious) He died.

Vlad: *gasp* No, seriously, what happened?

Henry: I am serious. He really died.

Vlad: I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, I don't even know who he is.

Henry: He was our english teacher, remember?

Vlad: Oh! The bald guy?

Henry: No.

Vlad: Hmm...The guy with the beard?

Henry: No, Vlad.

Vlad: Oh! I know! The guy with the head shaped like a-

~Intermission~

Vlad: So, are we going trick-or-treating or not? Henry? (notices he's alone in his room) Henry?!

(Goes outside and notices Henry hitting on Meredith)

Vlad: *gasp* Henry!! How could you?!?!

(Vlad runs back in, crying)

(Vlad's vlog)

Vlad: I thought we were friends, but I guess not. You just crossed the line, buddy! You knew that Meredith was off limits! I'm never going to forgive you! And you know what? You can't even stay the night tonight! Hah! How do you like them apples!

(back to scene)

(Henry walks in)

Henry: So, am I still staying the night?

Vlad: (happy) Yes!

* * *

_Okay, those were the first two scenes. I'm still working on the third scene. I'm taking the titles for the scenes out of the book, just so you know. Well, tell me what you think and scene three should be up soon. :D_


	2. The Hidden Attic, The Search Continues

**_Thank you to those who reviewed and those who read it so far. I really appreciate it :D Anyway, here's scene 3 and scene 4 put together. Enjoy!_**

**_Oh and a couple of the cast members changed. Eddie: Jessica Earls and Tom actually has someone to play him now xD Tom: Jon (not saying his last name)_**

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**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING. THE ORIGINAL CREATOR OF VLADIMIR TOD IS HEATHER BREWER. WE ARE NOT MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS. THIS IS JUST MEANT FOR FUN. WE MEAN NO HARM.**

**(Scene 3: The Hidden Attic)**

(Vlad wakes up, trips over Henry, who is laying on the floor by Vlad's bed, curses, and goes into kitchen)

(Nelly is there, pouring blood into a cup)

Nelly: Goodmorning, sunshine. (hands Vlad the cup)

Vlad: You too, sulfiric acid.

Nelly: (offended) Excuse me?

Vlad: Well, now you know how much it hurts to be called names.

(Henry walks in)

Nelly: Shut up and eat your breakfast. I have to go and steal blood from the little children at the local hospital.

(Nelly walks out)

Vlad: Wanna play some badass video games?

Henry: Yeah!

(Scene changes to Vlad playing Harvest Moon)

(Vlad tries to put fodder in the chicken coop)

Vlad: (angry) I suck at this game! (throws controller down)

(Henry picks up controller and continues to play while Vlad storms out)

(Vlad in vlog)

Vlad: I hate it! It's so unfair! Henry's better at everything! *screams* I hate my life!

(Scene changes to Henry and Vlad sitting in the living room and eating chips)

Vlad: (sits up suddenly) Oh no!

Henry: What?

Vlad: I forgot to do the family tree project!

Henry: Well, when's it due?

Vlad: Friday.

Henry: Well, get working.

Vlad: Oh yeah, that reminds me!

(Flasback)

Nelly: There's photos up in the attic. But don't go up there when I'm out getting blood.

Vlad: Attic? We have an attic?

Nelly: Yes. It's right in your room.

Vlad: How did I miss that?

(Out of flashback)

Vlad: To the attic!

(Batman scene changing music plays)

(Scene changes to in the attic)

Vlad: (in awe) Woah! This is huge! (looks at large window) There's even a big window? How is this possible?

Nelly: Vlad?

(Vlad turns to see Nelly holding up a dead pig with it's arm cut off and a bloody knife)

Vlad: (shocked) Aunt Nelly?

Nelly: I told you not to come in here when I'm out getting blood.

Vlad: Why are you doing this?

Nelly: Well, you need blood, right? I ran out of children so I found these farm animals. Hope you like pig blood. (holds up pig and smiles)

(Scene changes to Vlad walking into the living room)

(Henry's eating chicken)

Henry: (mouth full of chicken) I wuff Newwy's chippen!

(Henry sees Vlad and stands up)

Henry: What's up?

Vlad: I feel disturbed....(happily) But good news is that I found a journal, photo albums, and this cylinder thingy!

_**(Scene 4: The Search Continues)**_

(D'Ablo walks up to a kid, Eddie, who is timidly crossing the street with a grocery bag in his hand)

(D'Ablo goes in front of the kid to stop him from walking)

Eddie: (Realizes D'Ablo's there) Holy Willy Wonka! I didn't see you there, mister.

D'Ablo: Your name is Eddie, right?

Eddie: It's actually Edgar, but yes, yes that's my name. But my WoW name is Dark_Master_of_Mutated_Photographs10121

D'Ablo: O.....kay...? Anyway, I need you to tell me something. (Shows him the picture of the little girl) Do you know this boy?

Eddie: I don't really think that's a-

D'Ablo: Do you?

Eddie: Jeepers, Mister. You don't have to yell. Anyway, that looks like a student at our school named Vladimir Tod. He's very emo, so I suggest to not be surprised if he cries often.

D'Ablo: Where can I find him?

Eddie: That information, my dear friend, is classified.

D'Ablo: Are you -beep- serious? God, I am so -beep-! I've been looking all over for this -beep-! God -beep-!

Eddie: (covers ears and yells) Ahh! My virgin ears! (Runs away)

* * *

**_Well, I'll try to get scene 5 up ASAP. Tell me what you think so far on it :D Your reviews are really appreciated._**


	3. Otis Otis

_**Once**_**_ again, thanks for the reviews XD_**

**_I'm glad you like it so far. Now, this is going to be scene 5 only. Otis finally comes in. *laughs*_**

**_Side note: On a side note, I just got my hair cut to work for the parody movie that we are going to make. I dyed it black too. It looks pretty friggin sweet. I might have to dye it once more during the filming but I wanted to see how it looks and it looks cool. I'll try to get a pic up sometime, if I can._**

**_Anyway, enjoy!_**

__

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING. THE ORIGINAL CREATOR OF VLADIMIR TOD IS HEATHER BREWER. WE ARE NOT MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS. THIS IS JUST MEANT FOR FUN. WE MEAN NO HARM.**

**(Scene 5: Otis Otis)**

(Vlad wakes up and gets ready for school. He meets Henry outside and they start to walk towards the bus stop. Bill and Tom, the school bullies, walk up to them.)

Bill: Ew, look who it is. The emo kid and his boyfriend!

Tom: Heehee....Boyfriend....

Vlad: You better leave us alone! Or I'll-

Tom: Or you'll what? Cry?

(Vlad starts to sniffle)

Bill: Hah! What a baby! C'mon, Tom, let's go.

(Bill and Tom walk off)

Vlad: (starts sobbing) I want to die!

Henry: (sighs) I know you do.

(Scene changes to the park. Students are scattered out on the small playground, looking confused because their new teacher, who ever he is, refuses to have class in the classroom)

Henry: Why are we having class in the park?

Vlad: I don't know, but the sun burns.....

(Meredith walks in, looking pretty. Vlad drools as Meredith sits down on a swing)

(Their new teacher, Otis, walks over to the kids in the park.)

Otis: Hello, my name is Mr. Otis. Likewise, my first name is also Otis.

(Tom raises his hand)

Tom: Does that make you Otis Otis?

Otis: Usually.

(Tom raises his hand again)

Otis: Yes?

Tom: Then, can I be Tom Tom?

Otis: (annoyed with the stupidity of Tom) No.

(Tom looks sad)

Otis: Anyway, I'm your teacher because Mr. Craig died.

(Everyone but Henry raises their hands)

Otis: Yes?

Everyone but Henry: Who's Mr. Craig?

Henry: (annoyed) He was our old english teacher!

Meredith: (with stupidity and in a sweet tone) You mean the bald guy?

Henry: (face-palms) Nevermind!

Otis: (clears his throat) Anyway, I'm an expert in mythology.

(Meredith raises her hand)

Meredith: Is that the study of dead people?

Otis: Not quite, Miss Meredith.

(Tom raises his hand)

Tom: The study of drugs?

(Bill raises his hand)

Bill: Clearly it is the study of turtles!

(Vlad raises his hand)

Vlad: (in monotone emo voice) It's the study of emos...

Otis: No. None of those are right. You all fail.

Vlad: (cries) I hate my life!

Otis: (points to Vlad) You there, what's your full name?

Vlad: Vladimir Tod...Why?

Otis: Just wondering.

Vlad: O.....kay....?

Otis: (faces Class again) Mythology is the study of mythical creatures like unicorns, zombies, werewolves, and.....(pause).....Vampires.

Vlad: (loudly and nervously) Vampires? Vampires aren't real. Nope. Not on bit. I would know. (Everyone stares at him) I mean, I wouldn't know. They aren't real, okay? Stop staring at me!

(Scene changes to lunch)

(Vlad and Henry sit on grass at playground)

Henry: That teacher was weird.

Vlad: I'll say! He kept staring at me! (realizes something) Oh! Meredith's sitting over there! I'm going to go talk to her!

(He stands up and starts to walk towards Meredith and she smiles at him. He smiles back and waves but gets tripped by Bill)

Bill: (fake apologizes) Whoops, my bad. My foot has a mind of its own.

(Bill and Tom laugh. Vlad gets up and runs back over to Henry while crying)

Vlad: How do you say "I hate my life" in another language?

Henry: How would I know? I'm not emo.

(Vlad starts sobbing loudly. Meredith walks up to them)

Meredith: Are you okay, Vlad?

(Vlad looks at her and blushes)

Vlad: Fine I are. I mean, Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Uh! I mean....Hi.....

(School bell rings)

Meredith: Well, see you around.

(She walks away)

Henry: (trying to hold back laughter) Scooby Doo?

(Scene changes to Vlad walking home from school)

Vlad: Stupid Henry and his student council meetings....

(Bill and Tom walk up to Vlad)

Vlad: (annoyed) What do you guys want now?

Tom: Shut up, goth boy.

(Tom pushes Vlad to the ground and they start kicking him and chanting: "Stupid emo". Vlad doesn't cry, for once. Instead he reads Tom's mind.)

Tom: (in mind) Man, I have ballet practice tonight. I hope I get to be the fairy princess this time! That would be awesome! I have to hurry, though, or my mom will be pissed!

(Vlad laughs. They stop kicking him)

Bill: What's so funny?

Vlad: Fairy Princess! (laughs)

Tom: (nervous) Wh-What?

(Vlad stands up)

Tom: (still nervous) C'mon Bill....L-Let's go torture the puppy down the street.

(Bill seems confused but follows anyway. Vlad smiles with Vampire teeth in his mouth)

* * *

_**Scene 6 will be up as soon as I finish writing it :D**_

**_Thanks for reading and please review to tell me what you think of it so far._**


	4. Secrets and Sanctuary, Feeding Time

**_(Scene 6: Secrets and Sanctuary)_**

(Scene starts out in the park where Otis likes to have his class. The class sit all boring like in the playground and Otis walks in dressed like a hobo)

Otis: (Smiles) Hello, kids. Welcome to class today. Now, before we start, I'd like to ask you something. Dressed the way I am, what do I look like to you?

(Meredith raises her hand)

Otis: Yes, miss Meredith?

Meredith: (in a smart way) A unicorn.

Otis: Not quite. That was last week.

(Tom raises his hand)

Otis: Yes?

Tom: A gay guy?

Otis:...No...Tom...You always ask that. I am not a gay guy.

(Vlad raises his hand)

Otis: Yes, Vlad?

Vlad: The dead gerbal that I found under my bed last night. He looked just like that.

Otis: (face-palms) No. You are all wrong. Once again, you fail. I am a zombie.

Vlad: (acts as if he knew all along) I knew that.

(Otis gets a hat filled with paper slips)

Otis: Our next assignment is to do a report on a mythical creature. You don't get to pick, though. You are to draw a piece of paper out of this hat and then which ever creature you get, you do a report on. Understand? Or do I need to dumb it down for you?

Everyone but Henry: Dumb it down, please!

Otis: (points to hat and talks like caveman) Hat...(pulls out paper) Paper...(Shows the paper to the kids) Creature...(mimics writing a paper) Report. Got it?

(Everyone nods)

Otis: Good. Now, I'll go around and you draw. (looks at Vlad) Ah! Vlad, why don't you go first. (Holds the hat out for him)

(Vlad nervously draws a piece of paper and looks at it)

Otis: Well, what'd you get?

Vlad: Unicorn.

Otis: Uh...Re-draw. That was a warm up.

(He takes the paper and throws it on the ground. Vlad pulls out another one)

Vlad: Mermaid.

(Otis takes that paper and throws it on the ground. Goes to a two hour time skip and it shows only one paper left in the hat. Vlad annoyingly picks it up and it says 'Vampire'.)

Vlad: (annoyed) Let me guess, you want me to redraw again, right?

Otis: Nope. That's good.

(The class, which had fallen asleep, wake up and are in relief. Otis puts the papers in the hat and goes to the next kid)

(Camera zooms in on Vlad with a funny scared expression)

(Scene changes to lunch time with Vlad and Henry)

Henry: So, are you going to ask Meredith the the snow ball?

Vlad: Hell no. What do I look like? An idiot?

Henry: Well...Uh...Anyway, you should. You've been crushing on her since the third grade.

Vlad: The thing is, everytime I get near her, my stomache gets so upset that I think I might barf right on her.

Henry: (disgusted) Eww...TMI.

Vlad: But it's true!

(He looks over at Meredith who is happily talking to a tree)

Vlad: She's way out of my league.

Henry: Yeah...I know what you mean. She's the only person that you're smarter than.

Vlad: What do you mean? She's the smartest most prettiest man in the world!

(Henry just ignores that comment and goes and eats his sammich)

(Scene changes to Vlad going up to Otis to talk to him about what he got assigned. He's very nervous so he walks up to him in a weird way as if he knees got connected to each other)

Otis: (looks up from newspaper) Vladimir? What can I do for you?

Vlad: Uh...(pulls out paper) Can I...uh...change what I got assigned...?

Otis: No.

Vlad: Can I...uh...Not change what I not got assigned?

Otis: That didn't even make sense...

Vlad: Can I not change not what I not got not assigned?

Otis: Just go away. You're wasting my time...

(Vlad looks dejected and walks out sadly)

(End scene)

_**(Scene 7: Feeding Time)**_

(A girl, named Kate, jogs down the street one night and got to a light post to stop and take a drink of water. She looked around and noticed the complete silence of the night. Not thinking too much about it, she starts off on her jog again with her waterbottle in one hand. She stops again under another street light and notices a man watching her. Her water bottle falls out of her hand and she bends down to pick it up)

Man (aka: D'Ablo): Excuse me, miss.

(Kate sighs and stands up to face the man)

Kate: (in an annoyed tone) Can I help you?

(The man, known to be D'Ablo takes her by the throat and pushes her against a nearby tree. Kate screams in terror as he does this.)

Kate: (in terror and out of breath): What do you want? I'll do anything! I'll be your sex slave! I'm good at that! Just please don't hurt me!

(D'Ablo opens his mouth to reveal fake vampire teeth. He goes down and starts to drink her blood. He dropped her after a second as if she tasted horrible)

Kate: (in a whisper): Why...are you doing this?

D'Ablo: Do you know Vladimir Tod?

Kate: Yes...And his aunt...We go shopping on Tuesdays. Why?

D'Ablo: Does he live with her?

Kate: Yeah...They live...They live...

D'Ablo: Where?

Kate: They live...(dies)

D'Ablo: Useless! (kicks her)

(End scene)

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_**There you go. Please review and I'm going to try to have the next chappy up asap!**_


	5. The Book

_**(Scene 8: The Book)**_

(Starts out while showing Vlad's bedroom door. It zooms in and goes to Vlad sitting on his bed while reading Twilight)

Vlad: (chuckles) This is a bunch of lies. Vampires do not sparkle.

(He looks up and notices Otis looking at him)

Vlad: (shocked and weirded out) What are you doing in my room?

Otis: I came to tell you that your Aunt Nelly invited me for dinner sometime.

Vlad: So...Uh...Why are you in my room?

Otis: I wanted to see if it was alright with you.

Vlad: Why. Are. You. In. My. Room?

Otis: ...Nevermind...(He leaves)

Vlad: Yeah. That's what I thought. Wait...He's coming to dinner! Oh no!

Nelly: (off screen) Vlad! Are you talking to yourself again?

Vlad: Why do you always annoy me? God!

(Scene changes to night time and Vlad wakes up to look at his alarm clock. It says 2:00 in the morning. He gets up and grabs a book from his floor to look at it)

Vlad: I forgot that I found this in the attic.

(Vlad gets up and leaves out of his room and goes into the kitchen to get something to drink)

Nelly: (She walks in and notices Vlad) What are you doing up?

Vlad: (Seems uncomfortable and sheepish) I...uh...wet the bed...

Nelly: Again? Do you know how many sheets we have to go through? A lot, let me tell you that.

(Nelly pulls out a coffee cup and Vlad sits at the table. She turns and notices the book)

Nelly: Where'd you get that from? Is it one of mine?

Vlad: I found it in the attic. I'm not reading it...yet.

(Vlad goes to his room and tries many keys to open the book. Finally he gives up and tries to open it and it easily opens)

Vlad: Wow, that was a waste of my time.

(A note falls out of the book and Vlad reads it)

Tomas: Go under your bed, Vlad. There lie the answers to all I've hidden. Yours in Eternity.

Vlad: *sniffles* Daddy...(He reads through it again and looks up) Under my bed? (He gets up and looks under his bed. He gets back up and shrugs) I'll look later.

(He goes on his bed and checks his sheets. He shrugs and falls asleep)

(He wakes up in the morning and looks under his bed. He finds a journal that says The Chronicles of Tomas Tod. He looks at it strange before opening it)

Tomas: _January 13. I had never intended to fall in love with Mellina. She was to be a meal, a delicious, sexy meal. Uh...Anyway, when I found her, she was walking back to her apartment in the blowing January snow. She was alone buttoned carefully into a thick wool coat with a scarf tied around her neck. I could smell her stench from miles away. I moved out in front of her and she just looked at me with her big brown eyes._

Vlad: Okay...This is gross. I don't want to hear my dad talk about my mom like that. Ew. (He shudders and then continues to read)

Tomas: _She layed down on my bed and I got on top of her. We layed there naked-_

Vlad: Too far! Too far! (He scrolls back up and reads from there)

Tomas:_ I'd expected her to scream. But she merely smiled and asked me if I'd like to walk her home. I was love at first bite. Haha...Get it? Bite...Vampires...Anyway, I visited her every night for three years, and then, one fine spring day, we got married. Then that night on our honeymoon, we got to the hotel and went into our room and put up the 'do not disturb' sign. Then we-_

Vlad: (Shuts the book) Okay...I'm done. (He looks around suspiciously and then opens the book up again)

Tomas: _Mellina got pregnant with little Vladimir. We worried he would be a 'tard, but so far...He seems normal...Kind of._

Vlad: (offended) Hey!

Tomas: _As of now, Vlad is two years old and has brought his mother and me more pain than joy. He is our son, none the less, so we're forced to love him. I guess I'd have to protect him from the wrath of Elysia...Maybe..._

Vlad: This is depressing. I'm being made fun of by my own dead parents!

Nelly: Vlad! Quiet down!

Vlad: (sighs) Yes, Aunt Nelly...

(Vlad goes back to reading)

Tomas: _I plan to rid myself of my vampire mark tomorrow. It's too dangerous to keep, though I cannot remember a time that my wrist was without this black, heavy ink. It will be painful, as it cannot be removed by human means. I must protect-_

Vlad: This is boring...(He skims to a page farther on)

Tomas: _September 6. I've returend from Stokerton, where I found a faded letter nailed to the door of Mellina's long-empty apartment. They wanted me to come back to the vampire world. I refused. Today was Vlad's first day of kindergarten. I didn't want him to go. I thought he was fine being stupid, but Mellina pleaded with me to let him go so I gave in. While I was in-_

Vlad: (Shuts book) I'm done. (He flopped down on the bed and fell asleep)

(End Scene)

* * *

_**Well, that was kind of boring...Just a little. I'm coming to a writer's block. Hopefully I get out of it soon. Anyway, please review!**_


End file.
